Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
