Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
