I wish I could punch you in the face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
