Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
