just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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