Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
