My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
