Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
