Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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