the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
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