If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
