I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
