does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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