she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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