He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
