a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
