If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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