So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
