i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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