mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
