Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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