dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
id be glad to
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
