My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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