4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
