Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
