I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im holly from the hills drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
