imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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