Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
