It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
