Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
