I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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