I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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