do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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