Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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