I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
