he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
