I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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