After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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