she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
