I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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