Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize