Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i believe in u and ur pee
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
