There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
