Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
