so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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