Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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