when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
