she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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