Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
