You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
