Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
