dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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