just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
