I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
