plz talk dirty to me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
