The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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