apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
