My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize