i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
