drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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