Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
