Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We have so much sex to catch up on
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
