I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
