Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want nice things and good sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
