If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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