Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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